Mr. Self Destruct

I have a problem. It's more like a cancer in my psyche. I don't know how to fix it.

I am severely overweight and agoraphobic and it is pathetic. I was just outside throwing away some trash, which was actually the remnants of several days worth of junk food that had piled up. That's right, pure food trash. Anyway, as I approached the trash room of my building, I noticed this guy who lives here as well. I don't know his name, I don't know anything about him other than the fact that he scares the shit out of me. This guy is beyond morbidly obese. It is a miracle that he is still walking. I am so afraid that I may one day turn into that. I am not cool with that at all.

I am lazy and sluggish and it is getting on my nerves. I say that I am agoraphobic, but that is a lie. I am just too fucking ashamed of being too big to be weighed on one of those scales that you buy to put in your restrooms. I have to use the scales at the gym. I cannot keep on doing this to myself. It's even kind of painful for me to write this down. In the sadness of my life for some reason I allowed myself to become this thing. This horrible, sad sack of a man. This cycle of self sabotage has got to somehow stop before I have reached the point of no return.